?ton yhw?

Febuary 21st 

1:12am

“Because honestly, twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did.” 

 

The fact that I’m posting after an 8-month hiatus is crazy. I wish I had an excuse or some crazy reason as to why I haven’t been posting. But honestly? I was uninspired and saw blogging as a hassle and a chore rather than something that I loved to do on my free will as I once did. So I had to step back until I get back to finding what initially made me want to start and finding that inspirations within myself not because I need to get something up for the sake of getting something up. And now finally I feel like I’m at a place to come back to it. Thank you to everyone that has encouraged me and those that have sent me kind messages asking me to go back to blogging. It really gave me that push. So yeah I’m back and I couldn’t be any happier. I want to get back to the blogging style like I use to. I feel like towards the beginning of last year around the time I stopped blogging I was so focused on the structure and the fluidity of my content that I lost what I initially loved about my blog and that’s just it being all over the place. I remember when I first started out I’d dump all my thoughts onto one page and call it a night. No editing. No cuts. Nothing. But as more and more people started reading my blog I felt a sense of pressure and I kind of lost that. I was more so focused on getting my message crossed in the most cohesive, sound, structured way. And honestly, I feel like that’s what contributed to me stopping blogging. I feel like my most relatable posts and my favorite posts to read is those that don’t sound like a script. I feel like the whole purpose of a blog is the narrative of the person writing it and the personable-ness that it radiates off. I want it to be authentic and natural for those that are reading it. The last thing I want to do is hit the reader with a teleprompt style script. I hope you guys enjoy this blog post, inshallah this is just one of the many that’s to come.

 

       PART ONE: INTRODUCTION

 

These years, post-secondary and early to mid-20s are easily the most stressful, yet the best years of our lives. These are the years where we are literally setting up our futures and working to build and create a name for ourselves. I’m currently wrapping up my second last year of post-secondary education and all my professors have been talking about is life after university and what it holds. The conversations alone have defiantly caused endless sleepless nights of worrying and contemplation.

I don’t know…I feel like as the years are going by in my academic life and as I’m getting closer to graduate I can feel myself getting more and more nervous of what’s to come, me, closing this chapter of my life and opening up one that I’m honestly a bit scared of. Its crazy to think soon enough I’ll have my own place with my spouse, having my own professional career that is probably going to consume most of if not majority of my time, and having to pay bills on bills on bills. I know its just a natural process of life. Believe me, I do, one only closes one chapter to open another but still. It’s defiantly been weighing heavy on my mind.

PART TWO: REALIZATION

Another thing that’s been on my mind lately is the social aspect that this new chapter may hold. This year alone, working anywhere from 30 to 40 hours a week, trying to keep up with my class, midterms/finals, assignments on assignments and trying to balance a “social life” while keeping in mind to not neglect one over the other and finding the perfect balance has defiantly been easier said than done. I find myself only naturally prioritizing things that should come first such as my academics and my job over anything else. Things like “a girl’s night out” or a quick bite to eat with a friend have been very far and few between. And its honestly got me thinking if it’s like this now than what about 5-10 years from now? Where things like schedules, timing, children, spouses have to come into consideration. If a friend today at the chapter I’m in wanted to go out and grab dinner and watch a movie its a lot doable. Id see if we’re both free for the weekend and we’d make it happen. Not a lot would have to be considered, to be honest. But what about 5 -10 years from now? Things might not be so easy, again because there are several variables that come into play. I don’t know if whether this is my “coming to terms that I’m going out in the real world and I’m so scared” Anisa talking but its kind of sad to think that soon enough everyone’s going to be busy and worried about their own lives that finding time won’t be as easy as it is now. Not saying that there’s no such thing as a social life after university and the chapters that follow that but just from having conversations with others who are in that position, finding time is defiantly a lot harder.

PART THREE: Lol what now?

 

I want to start making as many memories as possible. I want to do things that are far from my comfort zone, I want to see things I’ve never seen before, and do things I never thought I’d ever do. Why? Because honestly why the hell not.

I feel like everyone that’s in a similar stage in their life as me where school, working, along with several other responsibilities have always come first, can relate and understand that things can honestly get hectic and stressful sometimes (Lol all the time low-key)

.

Last semester I was pretty much cooped up studying and killing 30 to 40 hours a shift a week trying to provide for myself all while trying to get the best grades that I could possibly get and looking back that was very unhealthy. I feel like I’ve missed out on enjoying time with loved ones, doing things that I love to do such as blogging and reading and having time for myself because I was so focused on trying to do it all. But don’t get me wrong school is important and I encourage everyone to strive to do the best that they can in their academics and to provide for themselves and not neglect their responsibilities. All I’m honestly saying is I, myself, just want to focus on making as many memories with those that matter the most. Because as corny as it is, we won’t get back these years. I don’t want to look back at this stage in my life and say to myself “oh I wish I could have done this more or I wish I would have done this and that with so and so”. I want to look back these years and say wow… those were some really fun times. I love listening to my mother’s stories from back when she was my age and just seeing how her eyes lit up and her saying how she would love to go back to those times. It kind of makes me think because I don’t know I feel like I have made many significant memories yet to consider them “memorable”. I feel like these past 2 almost 3 years of my life, more so this last year has been devoted to focusing on my academics and my other responsibilities that I haven’t really been focusing on myself and doing things that make me happy and just getting out there and honestly just living. I want to tell myself and learn to allow myself to breathe and take it easy ya know? I want to learn to get out of my comfort zone. I want to try things that I never thought I’d ever try. Especially getting out of my comfort zone because there are so many things that I would love to do but just me being too nervous, scared or iffy has defiantly held me back.

Because guys honestly if you look at it, a few years from now life, careers, children, spouses, etc. are going to get in the way of a lot of things that you wish you could do or might not necessarily have a ton of time/opportunities to do so why not do it now? I don’t know if any of this is honestly even making sense or if I’m sounding like an Everest commercial Lol. But yeah.

I just want to fill up these next few months/years with as many memories as possible and just to let myself go. Because if you look at it I’m not going to get these years back and neither are you and the last thing I want to remember when I look back on these years is working and studying and that’s it. I want to be able to tell my kids about all the fun, crazy and exciting things I’ve done and watch them be in awe as I am with my mother. I want to reminisce with friends about funny stories ya know?

I want to not have any regrets.

Because honestly, twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did.

 And inshallah I want to devote these next few years to truly letting go and allowing myself to do things that make me happy with those that I love.

 Because honestly why the hell not.

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